Why do I do that? Sell myself short. I know what I want. What I deserve. So why do I keep dummying down what I’m worth? What God says I’m worth. Who do I think I am to override what He says I’m meant to be and to have and to experience, in this life? Who am I to override what He put in place for me that for some reason, my brain can’t get on track with? That for some reason, my sights fall short of. That for some reason, I continually talk myself out of having. What. Is. Up. With. That? This settling just to settle and be comfortable attitude has got to stop.
I. Am. Pissed. At myself.
I’ve got to jump off of this merry-go-round. I never liked ferris wheels and this one is making me nauseous. It’s a never ending circular cycle that keeps coming back around, and I can’t seem to jump off. What. Is. Going. On?
Is it the dizzying heights that have me spellbound? When I look up there, towards the heights where God wants to put me, I swoon. How does He even expect me to climb up that high and that far? And once I’m up there, will I be found out? That I’m a regular, shmegular chick who has no clue what she’s doing . . . or getting into?
Or is it that I feel unworthy? Unworthy of all that was promised to me? That He promised me. Or maybe I’m just so comfortable being uncomfortable that as I look up and enjoy the view up there, from down here, I whine and cry over how much I have in me to accomplish what it takes to get up there. Where He wants me to be. Yet I don’t do it. I don’t reach for it. I don’t go get it.
So, why don’t I just do it, already? Why don’t I just go get my blessings? What’s my hesitation? He’s brought me this far, hasn’t He? He’s taken me to places and elevations I’d never ever dreamt I could reach, didn’t He? He got me throught challenges that only He knew I’d master. He’s opened doors and windows that only He knew even existed. He wants things for me. Things I can’t even imagine.
If only I could look past my own headspace and go get it. If only I could stop the bubbling of fear and anxiety that invades my belly, where He dwells. If only I could blindly follow Him and try everything He puts in my spirit to try. If only I could get out of my own way and let Him have His way. That’s when I’d stop selling myself short.
Welp, I’d better go get it. Or else He’ll give it to someone else.
Comments
Yes! U have struck a nerve. The question that I ask myself is when will everyone notice that I’m faking it til I make it…and I haven’t made it yet.
Author
Oh, you’ve made it! Just look around and see.
Oh my dear, you have and ARE making it! You are accomplishing your goals and aspirations one by one! This life road we travel will be filled with twists and turns, highs and lows but every time you navigate through one…YOU HAVE MADE IT! You are surviving and overcoming all the weapons formed against you, for they will never prosper. You are not faking it, you are MAKING IT!!! 🙂