WAITING?

What am I waiting for? It’s never going to be the right time. The right place. The right dude. The right amount of money. So, what exactly is it that I’m waiting for to take me away? Away from this spot. This docking station. This.

Or, maybe I should ask what’s holding me back? Is it money? My age? Time? My job that sucks the living life force out of me? What exactly is it that’s holding me back from what I want. From what I desire. From what God desires for me?

Is it me? Am I the culprit? Am I playing Jedi mind tricks on myself? Telling myself that now isn’t really the right time. Or this is not the right idea or the right set of events that’s needed to get me moving. From this spot. This spot right here.

What should I do? Go blindly forward? Take a chance? Step out in faith? Risk starting over? Again? At my age? Again?

It’s all so tiring, isn’t it? The not knowing what to do. Or how to take the next step. Or what that next step even is.

And just when I think I’ve got it all figured out, things change. Everything is shaken up and goes topsy turvy on me. I go from standing right side up to doing a lifetime worth of handstands and cartwheels. I’m all over the place. And I hate it.

So I’ve decided to roll with it. To just go with the flow and roll with with punches. I’ve decided to do the best cartwheels and handstands that I can and see what happens. I’ve decided that since change is inevitable and no matter how tight a grip on life I try to get, she’s going to continue to toss me around. She’s not one to keep me bored. She’s not likely to let me just be. She’s going to try me. Try my patience. Try my energy. Try my faith. She’s going to come at me. She’s going to bully me and knock me off my feet. And sometimes she succeeds.

But, I’ve decided to rise above her. I’ve decided to try everything to shake her up. To show her she’s met her match. I’ve decided to go for that job and go on that vacation. I’ve decided to write that book and do this blog. I’ve decided to go blindly forward but yet in faith.