HE’S GOT THIS

God’s betta got this cause I sure don’t. I swear I run through my days just winging it as I go. I mean technically I know what I’m doing but there are some days when I’m just so confused. Sure I went to school and got the sought after degrees. Yes I work in the field I went to school for. Yeah I know how to drive, I have a car and I know how to get where I’m going safely. And I know I have great kids because I raised them well . . . I think. But I’m telling you, sometimes I have no clue what I’m doing. Absolutely none whatsoever.

Maybe you’ll understand when I tell you that I’m really glad when I make it home to my safe haven every evening and my boys are also home safe and sound. Of course I used to think that my good sense and wise career choices were what afforded me a protected, stable, middle class life. But nowadays I beg to differ.

Honestly, I have no clue how I afford to pay my mortgage each and every month. The fact that I’m still in my house eludes me. You have no idea! I have no comprehension how my credit score remains in the 700s, down from the 800s not too long ago. I have no clue! And I have no understanding how I stay on top of a butt load of bills that I acquired due to no fault of my own. You’re familiar with that saying, robbing Peter to pay Paul? Well I know Peter and Paul quite well.

All I have to say is that God is good. I have no explanation how I’m still managing to stay afloat. I can’t swim so I feel I should have drowned a long time ago but I didn’t. He didn’t allow me to. He didn’t allow me to sink financially even though I’m telling you, a life vest with a life raft is really what I need right now. He didn’t allow me to sink career wise, though I sometimes wish I could take a life long sabbatical and just stay in my house and watch the Hallmark channel forever. He didn’t allow me to sink socially either because I’m sure the people He’s removed from my life were meant to go even when I couldn’t fathom them not being around.

Yeah. God’s got this life of mine. He’s got me. Now if I could just let go and let Him take the reins, I’d be REALLY good.