Life is no joke. It tosses me on my butt sometimes and it just doesn’t give a damn. When life throws me into a tail spin, I can either hold up in my house and whimper in the corner or I can come out swinging with boxing gloves on. Though I’d love to crumble into a big pile of wimpiness, I can’t. People depend on me. I depend on myself. I have no choice. So even if every fiber of my body is exhausted and every corner of my psyche wants to lay down and quit, I can’t. I don’t. I won’t. I have to get back up and keep it moving.
Sucks though. You know why? Cause I just want to lay there and think about my woes. I just want to eat up all of my worries and digest them all. I don’t want to be bothered by kids, TV, family, friends, positive thoughts, inspirational motivation, bible verses or anything. I don’t even want to talk to God. I just want to be. That’s all. Just be. I’m not depressed. I don’t want to harm myself. I’m not a quitter. I’m not a giver upper but I just want to be.
So I wallow in it for a few moments and then I stand. I stand. I literally stand. I get up. I look at myself in my eyes (no mirror needed). I talk to life. I get a grip. I take a deep breath. I put one foot in front of the other and I walk. Forward. That’s all I can do. It’s not easy but I do. Then whatever it is I need to do, to face, to fight, whatever it is that I need to conquer, I march to it and do it. I have no choice. So I do. I do all that I can. Then I stand. I stand and I wait.
Sometimes I cry as I go forth. Sometimes I’m pissed as I carry on. Sometimes I’m numb and march on half heartedly. Sometimes I attack with gusto and put those boxing gloves to work. Sometimes I plow head on and just get it done and over with. But sometimes I regress. Sometimes I sit back down and crumble a little more. But then I regroup and recoup. I do. I have to. I don’t want to but I have no choice. I have to stand. I do all that I can. Then I stand. I stand and I wait.
Before I drew close to Jesus I kept it moving forward because everyone else did. Or because I was competing with someone in my head. Or because I wanted to prove something or prove someone wrong. Or I wanted to show off that I could do it. Vanity got in my way. But then I realized that it wasn’t other folks I needed to stand for. I didn’t even need to stand for myself. I needed to stand so that the evil one would not defeat another soldier. I’m that soldier. I couldn’t diss God and let that happen. Nah. So I’d do all that I could do. Then I’d stand and wait.
Then I noticed that when I stood and regrouped, refocused, recommitted and did all that I could to get back on my feet . . . God took over. He took care of the rest. My car breaks down, I didn’t have money for another car, 2 weeks later I have another car. My job folded, I didn’t have another job lined up, 1 week later, a job offer. I noticed things like this began to happen as I drew closer to Him. After I did all that I could in whatever situation I was faced with . . . I stood and then I waited.
Even if your’e not close to Him. Even if you’re not a believer. Even if you want to lay in your woes. Just sit up. Get up. Stand up. Do all that you can to rectify your situation and then stand. He will do the rest. Watch.
