Don’t latch onto me because I have a career. Don’t pursue me because I’m all that. Don’t call me and big me up with flattery and promises you know you can’t keep and have no intentions of keeping. Don’t hold onto me because there’s no one else that wants you. Don’t stick around cause you’re too chicken to fess up you have another you’re interested in. Don’t NOT help with household budgeting cause you can’t get your finances together and pay bills on time so you want to leave all bill paying and budgeting up to me. Don’t pretend like you’re a single man on a vacation by yourself and leave us behind as you walk ahead of us. Don’t disrespect me and make me look like a fool while you did you and not us.
Ladies! Just. Say. No! No more attraction to chronic, grown, adult, male breastfeeders. Poof. Be gone. Come to me with some substance. With some backbone. With some strength. With honesty. Morals. Integrity. Character. With a job! God gave me my #StrongGirlGene and I’m sure He gave the opposite sex some kind of gene too. So how do I attract the ones who seem to not have IT? Whatever IT may be. What’s up with that? I cook, clean, pay bills, check homework, plan parties, go through labor, garden, shop, carpool and more all while I have a 102 temperature and body aches. Yet these chronic breastfeeders can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time. OK. Maybe some can.
Is it my perfume? Or maybe my kind, over accommodating personality? My smile? My freckles? My ambition? My highly lovable and welcoming extended family? My got it going on, can’t tell me nothing ways? Or is it my magnetizing #StrongGirlGene and God given strength that attracts these chronic breastfeeders? I don’t know but I’m ova it. Done. Finito.
My good guy radar is busted. I really don’t know if it ever really worked. Is there even a repair company for things like this? I’m thinking there is. I believe the company is called “God If This Ain’t Him Remove Him ASAP”. It’s a non for profit organization that helps women with clouds over their eyes see clearly . . . before it’s too late. And it’s free! The thing is, the initial call is answered immediately but the wait time is long. Sometimes it takes years until the cleansing of a woman’s eyes is complete. Sucks.
But once the “God If This Ain’t Him Remove Him ASAP” company does its job, and eyes are clear and things become transparent and the offending chronic breastfeeder is removed (or kicked out . . . whichever floats your boat), then the next call is to the clean up crew. The name of this company is “Girl It’s About Time You Woke Up But Don’t Worry I Got You”. It’s a sister company who aides in damage control. They specialize in regrouping and recouping from love blindness and rebuilding after the storm. They’re pretty successful. They fix good guy radars and they even install an anti-chronic breastfeeder internal alarm system with anti-fog transparency lenses.
And ladies! After the cleanup is complete . . . those little boy dudes vanish and men with character, integrity and morals appear. I’m telling you, they aren’t far behind. Chant with me! No. More. Chronic. Breastfeeders!
