I so hate it when God is silent. Like what’s He doing up there anyway? Doesn’t He know I have issues? Like I need help. Like really really badly. I mean does He really need to go into cricket mode? Is it really necessary? I see all the inspirational quotes and memes that say things like “You’re not forgotten” or “God’s silence doesn’t mean His absence” or “Remember the teacher is always silent during a test”. But really? Seriously? Its like that?
Well I don’t like it. Not one bit. I don’t like when He’s quiet. I need Him to be in my face 24/7. I need Him to be in my head non-stop. I need Him to tell me everything I need to do from the time my eyes open in the mornings up until I go to bed. And I want to dream of what He wants me to do. I want to see vivid pictures with closed caption texts at the bottom of my dreams with step by step instructions for my life. I’m not playing. I don’t need to be the adult anymore. I want to be five-years-old again and have Him lead the way. I want to be told what to do by the one who’s already written my book.
I don’t trust my decision making skills anymore. I keep screwing things up. I mean, even when I’m on the right track . . . I’m not. My choices are questionable. My actions are doubtful. My thoughts are suspect. I seriously feel as if I tread murky waters all day every day. I mean I feel like I’m so out there sometimes that If I were to step off a sidewalk, my feet would sink into a deep, non-ending puddle and I’d be so in over my head that I’d drown. So how does He even think that He can just dip and disappear? Not cool.
And what about when He leads me to do something and I do it. Then He goes radio silent. Not a word from Him. No feedback. No pat on the back. Nada. It could be weeks before I get some kind of affirmation from Him that I’m on the right track. It could be months before I get confirmation that the task or job or prayer or people I’m associating with is God approved. Ugh.
Geez Louise! An SOS smoke signal would be good. Some kind of morse code or emergency broadcast warning would be appreciated. Or how about a red flare illuminating the sky or a white dove flying in my path? I’d go for any of these clues if He doesn’t want to reveal Himself to me.
Then it happens. Just when I think I can’t figure out what is what is what . . . like a million firecrackers in the middle of a really quiet church service . . . BOOM! He shows up. And not only does He show up . . . He shows off. Big time! Someway, somehow He talks to me via snail mail. Radio DJ. A pastor’s church sermon. A newspaper article. Somehow, someway He talks to me via an overheard conversation. An out of the blue phone call. A dream. A song. E-mail. And when He shows up, He’s BIG. HUGE. GIGANTIC. All encompassing and overwhelmingly powerful. You can’t mistake His appearance for anyone else.
Yep. He’s been there all along. Stealthily but steadily He’s been right there. He’s been silent, watching like a spy in the shadows of my life. I don’t know what He’s watching and waiting for but He’s been there the entire time and I didn’t even know it. And then, after His big entrance . . . poof. He’s gone. Undercover. Again. So typical of Him.
