ANYTHING ELSE?

Haven’t I done all You want? All You wanted me to? What else do I need to do?

I’ve prayed, fasted, praised, thanked, loved, forgiven, moved on, worshipped him, worshipped You, started, started over, begun again, climbed the mountain, conquered the mountain, slid down the figgin mountain, woke up, realized, discerned, been faithful, lost faith, found faith again, took the long way, the by way, the round about way, my way, u-turned and come back around the other way.

I’ve listened and followed, loved and lost, picked myself up, brushed me off, gone at it again, put You last, then first, stepped over You, ignored You, done it my way, their way, all the ways except Your way, then back again.

I’ve repented, asked Your forgiveness, met You, lost You, loved You, been pissed at You, turned on You, begged You, seen You, studied You, thought about You, over and over and over I cried to You, laughed with You, hungered for You, gave my all to You.

What else do You want?

You want me to step on him? the evil one? Fine. I will. You want me to jump over him? the evil one? Fine. I will. You want me to be resilient and strong and courageous and forever unwavering and unfaltering and unmovable for You? Fine. I will. You want me to go on and on, no matter how tired and fatigued and wary and lost and hopeless and confused and utterly confounded and concerned I am? Fine. I will.

Not all the time, but I will. Not everyday, but I will. I’ll keep moving. Working. Caring. Loving. Faithing. Building. I’ll keep driving. Going. Hoping. Wishing. Figuring. And praising. I’ll keep fighting. Maybe not every single step of the entire way, but I will.

Just tell me what else You want from me. What else I need to do. For You and for me. Just tell me. Yell it to me. What else do I need to learn? What else do You expect from me? What else do You want from me? Just spell it out in great big neon letters with flashing lights all around Your directions. Just spell it out for me with highlighted letters and symbols so I can see You clearly.

Cause I have no clue. And I’m tired. And so so confused.