Quick. Look. Did you see it? Zip! Crap, quick, look! There it goes again. Don’t blink or you’ll miss it. Zip. Daggone it! There it goes again. Shoot. Keep this up and we’ll miss it all.
Life. Zips by faster than an entire meteor shower doesn’t it? Blink and you’ve missed something. Sneeze and it flashes passed you in a heartbeat. Just. Like. That. Who did I think I was? Thinking I’d have years on top of years to do all I wanted to do. To be all I wanted to be. What made me think I had infinite time on my hands, infinite youthful years to waste, infinite chances to take? Who did I think I was?
I swear, I blinked for a nanosecond and like a single lightning bolt, I’m at this place. The here and now. There’s no turning back the hands of time. What’s gone is gone. No time travelling backwards to recoup what could’ve been, what should’ve been or what was. What made me think I was invincible? That I wouldn’t get older and grow up. Where did all that time go? Who stole it? I want it back. Unfortunately, no changing anything back there. Nope. Can’t. And I. Am. Pissed.
So what can I do? What should I do? I guess all I CAN do is learn. Learn from what was so that I can step into what will be. Learn from my mistakes. Learn from my errors. Learn from my mess ups and mix ups. I should probably try really, really hard not to give myself a hard time about some of the hard times I’ve had. I should probably not live in the yesterdays and jump into the tomorrows. But it’s hard.
It’s really hard not to subconsciously dwell on past experiences. On past f*** ups. On the crap I’ve doled out and the crap I’ve taken. That sludge can fester in my head if I let it, and it’ll stop me form progressing into the life God has planned for me. I’d better watch myself. Though life propelled me to where I am today without consulting me, I can’t live back there. I can’t wallow in all of that. In all of the been there, done that stuff. I can’t. If I do, I’ll miss the rest of my life. The life that coming for me. The life that’s waiting for me. The life that I have yet to live. And enjoy.
Oh, I’m sure I’ll create some more f*** ups along the way. I’ll make some errors. I’ll reek havoc and chaos on myself. But this time, I’ll make a conscious effort to slow down. Enjoy the sights along the way. Make each day count for something. Be kind to people. Try to tattoo each event and every moment into my brain so I don’t forget. So when life runs by me, I won’t be caught off guard, like I am now. I won’t feel like I have so much to do and so little time to do it. I won’t put off for tomorrow what I can do today.
And when I look back, across the map of my life, I want to see lots of happiness and joy. Not in things or in people, but in me.
