I think God forgot about me. I’m thinking that He thinks I can bench press 500 lbs. That I can take hit after hit and still remain standing. That I’m good. That I’m a Navy Seal . . . tough, made of metal. I think that He thinks that I’m so strong and so self-sufficient that I’m not in need of anyone for socialization or love.
Some ladies I know come out of relationships and have the next man waiting for them. Sure there may be a little pause in between but He sure sends them someone right quick. The new dude helps them progress past the last dude and they’re able to get over that last heartbreak with this new distraction. With me that’s so not the case.
I’m thinking God wants me to wallow in it. He wants me to lather myself in it and lap it up. Why else would it take so long for me to rise up out of this solitude He has me in. I mean, He’s isolated me in a serious way. Plans with friends fall through time and time again. It could be anything from movies to parties to luncheons. I swear something always causes my plans to collapse. I just don’t get it.
My isolation was very upsetting and hard at first. I thought I was going out of my mind. I had no outlet. My family is in another state so the only things I had was work and kids and bills and television and books. I’m so serious. That was NOT easy at all.
I’m a very social person. I love to go out. Maybe that’s why a wrench was always thrown in my direction. Maybe I needed to just keep still and be. Figure out what I wanted next for myself. and what plans I needed to make for myself with no distractions. Maybe I needed to be comfortable in my singleness and find myself. Maybe I needed to fall in love with myself before I fell in love with someone again. This way I’d know what I can tolerate and what I won’t put up with.
Maybe my isolation was beneficial to my well being. I admit that I do get easily distracted. And I’m a procrastinator. So maybe God knows me better than I know myself after all. Maybe He removed all potential distractions, including a new love interest and all social engagements, in order to get me on track. Maybe He wants me isolated until I’m really ready to weed out those chronic breastfeeders who tend to hone in on me. Maybe He’s stitching me a new me while He’s stitching the one He’s making for me.
Who knows what the reason is but whatever it is I shall wait. And wait. And wait. Sucks. But while I’m waiting, I’m going to fill my soul with self-love and I’m going to date me.
