How Dare I?

I live here . . . on earth . . . in the natural realm. God’s living spirit dwells in the supernatural realm yet, He lives here on earth with us. I live in both realms. I live here where I wake up, do my day, go to work, pay bills, cook, read, watch TV, hang out with friends. I live here knowing and believing there is a God who fights my battles on a daily basis in a realm most of us cannot see.

Recently, I realized that I haven’t been living each day to my fullest capacity, here on earth, in the natural. I’ve been living each day in the supernatural, waiting to die. Waiting to go to my Father in Heaven. I mean, death is inevitable. Eventually, everyone we see around us will no longer exist. Prayerfully, heaven will be our final destination. After all, isn’t that where we all strive to be? To live forever in eternity?

The thoughts I have about earth not being my final destination overwhelm me at times. Though I live here, in the natural, on this earth, I am so enamored with God that I feel whatever is going on around me doesn’t really matter to some extent. Only He matters. Only what He wants matters. Things will always work out the way He wants it to. I have no say in the matter. It’s not up to me or my wishes or my desires or my boss or my finances. It’s up to Him.

Yes, God is the only commander-in-chief. He alone knows when and where we will go. He alone knows the fate He has in store for us. We can plan and prepare and save and hope and go about our routines each day, but only He knows when we will no longer be.

But until then . . . why am I living to die? Why my ho hum attitude? After all He’s done for me and saved me from . . . what’s up with that?

Why am I getting up and simply surviving each day? Why am I going through my days a little jaded, a little complacent . . . maybe even a little indifferent . . . waiting to one day meet my maker. I am not pessimistic by any means. And I’m not depressed. So what’s with all the doom and gloom? And, though I’d like to think I’ll go to Heaven, how do I even know He will grant me admittance?

What’s with all the numb thoughts? The dim view I have in my head that though I didn’t deserve all that was thrust upon me, all the crap I was dealt, that I’m going to be removed from this earth before I even get the chance to reclaim what was stolen from me by satan and his minions? My give up mentality of what’s the use in trying and striving and fighting? What’s the use in marching onward and forwards and upwards when eventually I will no longer be here anyway?

Who the hell am I to make this decision? Who exactly am I to undercut my life before my destiny is even fulfilled? Before I even get the chance to get back what was stolen from me seven-fold?

I am not God. How dare I?

What’s with me settling for ho hum instead of how high? How dare I?

How dare I mess with God’s plan for me. How dare I interfere with God’s plans of retribution and do-overs and the long wonderful full life He has predestined for me? The people and adventures He wants me to meet and experience. Who the hell do I think I am? How. Dare. I?

Why would I buy into the crap that’s being fed to me by the evil one? That I am not worthy of blessings because I am a sinner each and every day. Why am I allowing a battle to run rampant in my mind between what God has for me as His child, and what satan wants to keep from me?

How dare I?

I want to thrive. I have to thrive. God didn’t birth me to work, pay bills and die. He put me here to live. To thrive. To fight. To grow. To testify about what He did for me and what He saved me from.

How dare I tell Him when He’s done with me on this earth? How. Dare. I?

I’m totally shaking my head at myself. How dare I bury myself in monotony and indifference instead of living and making my life be my reality and my destiny? How dare I totally know what God wants me to do and to be yet totally ignore His call? How. Dare. I?

Over and over again, day in and day out, I will not just survive this life but I will live to thrive in my daily reality, here in the natural, on this earth. I will not just survive but I will live with the ferociousness of a hungry lion. I will live in God’s blessings for me knowing that I am His child and I deserve all of the goodness He’s got coming my way. I will live each day to live and not merely to survive. I will not to succumb to satan’s doom and gloom. I will live each day to live. Not to be numb. I will live each day to live to my fullest. For God.

So very sorry Jesus. I forgot who I was in You. I’m so pissed at me. How the hell dare I?