So . . . I talk to God a lot. Like, a hella lot. I never used to though. I used to make it a big production. You know, quiet, somber, church-like time with Him. Maybe a couple of Our Fathers and Hail Marys. A little bedtime “Now I lay me down to sleep” prayer. And lots of “God please let me pass this test, get a boyfriend, lose weight” type prayers.
Then I had my heart stolen. My stuff stolen. My time stolen. So I sorta started to yell at God. I pointed my finger at Him and poked Him in His chest. I was angry at Him for not showing me all I needed to see sooner. I demanded He come and fix me. Fix this mess that was me. Then, I eased up on Him. I let Him off of the hook and took some responsibility for what I allowed to happen to me. I stopped placing the blame on Him and put it on who it belonged to. The thief, of course. But also me.
That’s when I kinda stopped with the whole quiet, somber, church-like prayers and just started to talk to Him. I talked to Him just like I would a friend. I’d be real with Him. No pretending. I’d speak to Him like He was right in front of me. Or riding in my car with me. Or chillin’ in my house with me. I’d talk to Him anytime. Anywhere. No preparation was necessary anymore. I’d go to bed talking to Him. I’d roll over in the nights and find myself talking to Him. I’d wake up talking to Him. The operative word being “talking”. I sorta stopped thinking of our conversations as praying, and we just . . . talked.
No, I’m not being disrespectful to the Almighty Father. No, I’m not being blasphemous. I just needed to get to a place where I was not afraid to speak with God. A place where I could truly just connect with Him. And hear from Him. And lean on Him. So . . . talking to Him, like I would a friend, made Him a friend to me. Made Him relatable to me. Made me draw closer to Him.
He already knows what I’m going to say before I say it to Him. He already knows if I’m not being truthful and honest when I talk to Him. He already knows what I really mean each time I speak with Him. I can’t hide my true feelings around Him. I can’t hide my anger, worry or hurt behind the clouds of formal prayers I used to say. He already knows my underlying thoughts. He already knows what’s in my heart and on my brain. I can’t fake it with Him.
So, I go to Him just as I am. I talk to Him just as I am. I pray to Him just as I am. And why shouldn’t I? He already knows what I’m about even before I go to Him. He already knows if I’m going to ask Him or yell at Him or praise Him before I even know it. So when I talk to God, there are no pretenses. There is no covering up. There is no dummying down what I need to say. He already knows. He’s God.
So yeah, I love talking to Him as if He’s in the same room with me. As if we just had dinner together. I love telling Him my feelings and showing Him what I’m about and what’s going on around me. I love asking His opinion on things and basking in His silence. He’s a really good listener. This is how I talk to God.
