Welp. Nothing else was working. My way wasn’t working. I had nowhere to turn or no one to turn to that had any answers. The only thing I didn’t try was God. I knew Him. Or at least I thought I did. But it wasn’t until I was at the end of me, at the end of my rope with everything, that I sat on my bedroom floor and gave up.
Well, maybe not gave up but I gave it over. I just couldn’t anymore. I was out of ideas, money, and time. I was out of everything. The gas in my tank was on empty and I didn’t know how to refill and keep it moving. I was stuck. Running on fumes. Stalled. I needed help. Supernatural, higher than me, desperation type of help is what I needed. So I gave up. I gave it all up.
I asked Him for help. I told Him I did it my way and nothing was working out. I was tired. My fatigue was spreading to every corner of my psyche. I had a come to Jesus moment that day on my bedroom floor. I was like, “God. I can’t anymore. I’ve tried and I’ve tried. If this is not what you want for me and my family then take it away. Take it away and help me to understand why. And then help me to move on. I’m done.”
I looked at myself that day straight in my own eyes. I stared myself down and looked at my mistakes. I admitted defeat. It wasn’t easy but I did. I got so low. Lower than the floor I was sitting on. I’m telling you, I gave up big time. I was done.
I surrendered.
It was the bomb! So peaceful. I felt so free! I gave up all control and asked what next. Imagine. Me asking God what’s next. I always knew what was next but this time I had no clue. None. I needed help. And not help from my friends who gave really good advice. Not help from my dad who knows everything (well in my opinion at least). Nope. I needed help from the man Himself.
I had to try something I’d never done before. Something different. Something new. I had no choice. None. So yep. When I was at the end of my rope and running on fumes, that’s when I turned to Him. I know it sounds bad but He’s OK with that. I mean He’s OK with being my last choice. Cause guess what? My last choice then is always my first choice now. Oh yeah. He’s so good with that. You have no idea how good He is with that.
So try Him. You might like Him.
