I can make all the plans I want.
God laughs and then He makes His own plans for me.
The one thing this whole pandemic thing has taught me is not to plan.
Sure, plan for retirement and a vacation. Do u.
But to plan for anything beyond and far reaching isn’t up to me.
It’s up to Him.
Sweet surrender.
Surrender to His will and not mine?
That was so scary to me.
Not anymore.
The pandemic is the equivalent of His will is far, far better and more stable than mine.
And I have to humble and settle myself and mold into His will for me.
Family and friends aren’t stable.
People aren’t stable.
My ex wasn’t stable.
My job wasn’t stable.
The government isn’t stable.
The school system isn’t stable.
My health isn’t stable.
Healthcare isn’t stable.
Plans aren’t stable.
My Lord is stable.
Period.
This entire His will thing was hella scary to me. That’s like giving up complete control.
Giving up control of what I want and what I desire for my life and what I think my life should be.
That’s very scary.
After all, isn’t this my life?
Don’t I have a say?
Well, I’m not scared of His will anymore.
Why?
Because everything is kinda out of my control right now, and it probably always has been.
I was just too busy to notice.
My change of heart all started with the fact that I can’t control job lay-offs.
I can’t control job longevity.
I can’t control my paycheck.
That led me to realize that I can’t control how the folks around me feel and think about me.
I could be the best worker bee employee.
The best wife.
The best on time bill payer.
The best of the best in everything.
But the world . . .
which is made up of regular human folk . . .
who all bleed the same and want the same things for themselves and their families . . .
whose decisions affect the health, strength, well being, and credit scores of other humans . . .
who all bleed the same as they do . . .
havs other ideas.
I can plan all I want to. But I can’t control what it takes to get my plans to come to fruition.
I can’t control the outcome of my plans either.
It’s all out of my hands and into His.
Sure, I’ll plan for retirement. And a vacation. And, whatever else I desire I’ll plan for.
I’ll take steps to turn my plans into reality.
I’ll pray on my plans.
I’ll talk to God about my plans.
But, only if it pleases Him will they manifest.
Only if He sees fit will they come to be.
Only if it is His will, then will it be.
Because, planning right now is so futile to me.
All I can do is laugh.
So, I’ll keep pushing forward, make some plans, and try to set my plans in motion.
Then, I’ll just go with the flow while I seek God’s will for my plans.
If my plans come to pass, cool.
If not, cool too.
Then on to the next plan.
His plans are so much more far reaching than mine.
His will is so much better than mine will ever be.
Period.
