He was there the entire time. God let it all happen and watched the whole thing. Didn’t He think to clue me in? If I’m His child, chosen to be in His army, then why didn’t He spare me? Why didn’t He stop the loss of so many years of my life . . . my young life? Didn’t He feel badly for me? For my boys? Didn’t He want the best for us? How could He let them all take advantage of us? Of my kindness and loyalty? Why did He do that? He let it all go on for so long. Why didn’t He just stop it from even starting in the first place?
As the movie that was my life played out, Jesus watched. He was witness to the travesties that I endured while minding my own business. Unbeknownst to me, God let the betrayals, deceits, lies, untruths, and wasted years pile on top of me like a stack of old rubber tires in the junkyard of my life. It’s a wonder I didn’t burst under the weight of all the crap that was doled out to me.
I. Was. Pissed. I was pissed at them. I was pissed at me. But for sure I was pissed at Him. Wasn’t I righteous? Didn’t I fear Him? I went to church on Sundays. I did all of my sacraments as I was supposed to. Didn’t that count for anything? I just didn’t get it. I didn’t get Him.
Then I got it. It took a few years in the aftermath to get it but eventually I did. The point was that He WAS there the entire time. He WAS with me. He always was. Jesus was with me. The Holy Spirit was with me. Their angels were with me. THEY were all with me, protecting me the entire time and warding off all the darkness that was aimed right at me. I came out emotionally bruised and a little mentally beat up but in the midst of my woes, I embraced a newfound spiritual closeness with Jesus. I came out stronger, brighter and oh-so peaceful. But man was I pissed.
